sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
