Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
