someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
