Tell her she can't have a vagina
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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