Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
