I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
