So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
