I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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