Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
