I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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