The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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