dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?