I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.