is your mom at the bar?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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