Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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