I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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