She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
