Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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