she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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