worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she smelled like a LAN party
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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