I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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