we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
