New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
