Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
