So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
