why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
