dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
