dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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