So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
