I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
