thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i think my cat just said my name.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
