I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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