When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will be naked everywhere
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
