just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
