I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
