I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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