girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
