You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
