no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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