Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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