yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
