Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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