That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
