So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
