i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
