I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
