Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
