were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BRING THE BAGELS
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
