we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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