When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
