you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
