well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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