I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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