I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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