just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
