i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
