just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
