I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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