It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
