I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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