I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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