Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
