So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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