you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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