New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
