Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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