I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
