they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
