I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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