I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
