That's when you crack a 10am beer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
