loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
