He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
