Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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