i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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