I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
