After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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