I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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