I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize