You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
