I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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