I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
