if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
